Dessert Storm
by Frankenstein-Drag-Queen
Summary: Road Dogg Jesse James is in the desert and everything is just weird with pans and flying killer cookies!rnCharacters: Jesse James, Billy Gunn


Title: Dessert Storm. Author: Kristina Q. Disclaimer: Not mine. Never have been. Never will be. Distribution: Tell me where and it's yours. Warning: Some profanity and a bit silliness (hopefully). Rating: PG-13. Couple: None, actually. Notes: This is what happens when you have a conversation with my friend Guenhwyvar and you accidentally spell Dessert instead of Desert and Pans instead of Pants! Hehe, freaky minds.  
  
Ocean eyes flickered wide open. Jesse looked around, his vision a bit blurry. He blinked many times and rubbed his eyes harshly, trying to adjust his vision.  
  
"Where am I?"  
  
He was unable to recognize this place. Actually he had no problem with seeing WHAT place it was. It was more where and how the hell he had ended there!  
  
He kneeled down, his vision still blurry. He traveled his fingers through the warm sand. A million tiny grains of sand floated away with the wind.  
  
"How the hell did I get here?"  
  
Jesse was confused. He had no idea how he had ended in a desert. The last thing he remembered was that he had fallen asleep on the plane while traveling to New York with Billy, Hunter and Sean.  
  
Jesse ran a hand through his braids, pulling them back. He exhaled a deep sigh.  
  
"WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!"  
  
He glanced down at himself, startled. He felt as if he was about to faint now! What the fuck was this?! He was... he was... NAKED! Except from... PANS! He was wearing no clothes at all, the only thing he was wearing was frying pans! What the fuck was going on?!  
  
How did he get here and why the hell was he wearing... THIS?!  
  
Somehow the pans were tied around his waist with some rope or something. Jesse began tugging ineffectually at the ropes desperately trying to get the pans off! The damn knot was too fucking tight! He tried and tried but he couldn't untie the stupid rope!  
  
After several minutes of intense struggling, Jesse realized that it was next to impossible to get them off. He groaned in annoyance.  
  
He couldn't wear this. They were fucking heavy! He had to get them off some way! Maybe there was a sharp stone buried in the sand! He began searching, digging through the hot sand with his hands. Nothing. There was nothing! Fuck!  
  
Jesse could feel the need to break something in pure frustration, but since there was no fucking things in this God forsaken place then he wouldn't even do that!  
  
This was ridiculous! Humiliating! What if someone saw him? Like this! He would have to kill himself!  
  
But who the hell would see him? There was nothing but sand! Jesse spun around, glaring into the horizon, desperately hoping for someone to some and help him. He would die out there! Screw his... the way he looked. As long as he could get away from the desert.  
  
But what... what was that? Something was approaching him! He couldn't see what it was yet. It was only a bunch of dots so far. But they came closer pretty quick! It couldn't be humans then. Maybe birds... or... wait a minute! Was that... what he thought it was?  
  
"Oh, shit!"  
  
Jesse instinctively stepped backwards when he realized what was nearing him! It was... Flying cookies and cakes!  
  
The flying cookies seemed to be heading straight for Jesse. No it couldn't be true. Jesse closed his eyes, knowing that if he did so then he would wake up since this was obviously nothing but a dream.  
  
He reopened his eyes, still standing in the desert, wearing pans with hundreds of evil minded cookies flying towards him! "Ok, fuck this" Jesse thought and began running as fast as he could, nearly tripping over his own feet as he ran down a small hill.  
  
He ran and ran, gasping for air as the sun kept baking from above and the killer cookies still approaching, gaining on him behind him with every passing second!  
  
Fuck it was nearly impossible to run with these pans and it was so hot! Once again he tried to untie the damn rope around his waist, but failing again. He risked a glance back. The cookies were closer!  
  
They were going to kill him! He was sure about that! They even had fangs! Shit! Oh God, they were definitely going to kill him and probably eat him afterwards! He knew he shouldn't have eaten that cookie earlier that day! He really regretting doing that now!  
  
He kept running, the cookies still gaining! He could barely breathe. He just wanted to fall down, but he knew if he did so then it was over with him!  
  
This was so fucking scary!  
  
Desert! Pans! Cookies! Jesse felt dizzy, everything spinning around, swirling inside and around his head.  
  
He couldn't breathe anymore. He gasped for air before collapsing on the sand, chest heaving heavily as he tried to breathe. He could only watch while the cookies surrounded him like predators. He couldn't do anything. Escape. Fight. Nothing.  
  
His body was quivering lightly when the cookies attacked him.  
  
He closed his eyes.  
  
Ocean eyes flickered wide open, a loud yelp escaping his lips as Jesse woke up. Billy looked at him with concern. The rest of the plane just stared at him like he was insane. He had apparently scared everyone when he woke up!  
  
"Are you alright?" Billy questioned. Jesse inhaled deeply before leaning back in his seat. It was only a dream. He nodded and wiped the sweat droplets away from his forehead with the back of his hand. "I'm ok... I just had a bad dream."  
  
"So it seems" Billy chuckled, "What could have been so bad?"  
  
Jesse glared at him. "You'll think I'm crazy if I told you!"  
  
Billy shook his head, "No I wouldn't. I'm your friend. Come on, tell me!" Billy's curiosity had increased.  
  
"Ok..." Billy shifted in his seat as Jesse began telling, "I dreamt that... it's so stupid! That I was in the desert and... I was wearing frying pans instead of clothes and flying cookies were chasing me, trying to kill me!"  
  
Billy looked strange. He didn't know whether to laugh or be concerned for his best friend. "Are you sure you're alright?" Billy asked and placed his hand on Jesse's forehead to check if he was warm.  
  
"I'm fine!" Jesse exclaimed as he slapped Billy's hand away. Billy nodded, "Okaaay! Then you ARE crazy!" he said and burst out in uncontrollable laughter! Jesse wanted to punch him! It wasn't funny!  
  
"Cookies!" Billy paused to somehow manage to say before he began laughing again. Cookies. Jesse chuckled. Maybe Billy was right. It did seem kinda hilarious! Cookies. It was fucking silly. Jesse sniggered, no longer able to keep himself from laughing. That must have been the most fucked up dream he had ever had! It had seemed sorta frightening, but it was actually nothing but a stupid, ridiculous dream.  
  
Cookies and pans! He must have lost his mind!  
  
####### The End ####### 


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